Not back to the grind

Everyone at my university started school on Monday, and so everyone's been writing a lot of entries about university -- and I have to admit, it makes me wistful. And almost disappointed in myself.

I know, I know... it's not "really" my fault that I can't go to school. I know that the last two times I tried, I really really badly wanted to make it work, and I simply was not able to. Hell, even my GP said, "You're not planning to go back next semester, are you?" (not a direct quote, but close enough). Clearly, I am not mentally ready to go back to school, and clearly I am not the only one who thinks so. Even my parents are supportive of me not going to school at this point in time, and they do not accept even the slightest hints of laziness from me.

But I miss learning, and I miss feeling like I'm actually accomplishing something in my life, and maybe most of all I miss the atmosphere and the people. I honestly think my university is a really great place -- I love it there, even as a general student instead of music student. Actually, if I am being honest, there were a good few things I liked better about being a general student... but anyway. The point is, just being on campus has often made me feel better. Then again, sometimes it hasn't. But I'd always been able to handle even the worst times before.

Really, though? I just really wish I wasn't so bloody screwed up. I wish I could actually do courses without ending up needing to drop them all because I get so stressed and FREAK the fuck out. I wish I was "normal", whatever that is. Failing normal, though, I really would like to be "functional". One would think that's not so much to ask -- but, apparently, functionality is hard to come by these days in the World of Niika.

:|