If I was in school, after a binge-tastic night like I've had tonight, I could just choose to eat almost nothing all day tomorrow and sort of "cleanse" myself, and then I'd feel better and not hate myself so much. But tomorrow I have to work, and I have to eat at break at work (or it will look extremely weird), and then I might have to go out to supper before I go see a musical with my dad... FUCK!!! I just can't goddamned win!

I hate food, and I hate eating, and I hate the fact that these last few nights I've been shovelling a bunch of shit in my face and not purging nearly enough of it out. I am going to be fat as a fucking pig by the time my exams are done. I think the stress, combined with the fact that I've decided not to restrict during exam time, are making me OVEReat as a stress relief mechanism. :|

WHY is it that unless I'm restricting I'm flat-out fucking BINGING????


And now I'm going to bed. I'm pretty tired, and I have to get up at 5:50 AM yet again tomorrow morning. (I've been getting up at 5:50 AM every day since Monday for work. Fun, hey??) Wish me luck in getting through my shift tomorrow -- I expect it to be fairly brutal -- and also in actually studying for my exams. I am having a really hard time concentrating on studying, and I'm really terrified I'm going to fail.


What a way to update after writing no entries in forever.