Crossposted from another site.


So I've been home for... what, nine hours? Less? And I've already b/ped. I'm here on a weekend pass, catsitting, as my family is out of town until Monday. I had a feeling that coming here was just going to unleash me in terms of b/ping, and so far that seems to be true.

Thing is, I know I could probably call M House and talk with whatever counselor is in now -- tell them I'm struggling, talk for awhile. But what would I say? That I feel sad, that I hate myself, that I wish I could be anyone but me, that I wish I could escape this stupid life? What good would telling them do? I mean, maybe calling would alleviate some of my loneliness, but part of the problem is that apparently I can't be by myself for several hours without doing something self-destructive, and it seems kind of ironic/counterproductive to call and have them attempt to bail me out of my own self again.

I have been suspecting that once I left M House I'd probably end up on the relapse train, and this only makes me suspect it even more strongly. I just don't know how to stop the train so it doesn't end up making a big fucking trainwreck yet again.

Googlism is hilarious. But sometimes strikingly true.


anorexia is phat
anorexia is socially acceptable suicide
anorexia is difficult
anorexia is no thin matter
anorexia is not an indication that parents have gone wrong in raising their children
anorexia is the kind of thing that you just have to deal with
anorexia is not your friend anorexia is not your lover anorexia is not your escape anorexia is not your freedom anorexia is not your happiness anorexia is not
anorexia is one of the best ways to recover
anorexia is a condition where the cavy refuses to eat -- ?
anorexia is one of the few psychiatric disorders that can lead to death -- if by "few" you mean "almost all", then yes.
anorexia is still in the pioneer stage
anorexia is possible but it takes many years
anorexia is my creed my whole and restrained existence is one great painful trim
anorexia is dus een psychisch / emotionele aandoening


bulimia is a self
bulimia is its secrecy
bulimia is an act of disgust and an act of need
bulimia is in a no
bulimia is not about intelligence or logic
bulimia is simple; anorexics starve themselves
bulimia is latin
bulimia is not a pretty disease
bulimia is usually average


ednos is absolute nothingness
ednos is used for chronic dieters who purge what is considered by them to be “fattening” foods -- that's the only kind of ednos, obviously.


This one is pretty funny:


purging is safe?
purging is ineffective because it denies the attraction of crossdressing
purging is a powerful new tool for containing attacks before they cripple your network
purging is distributed among many simpletons
purging is completed in about 5~8 min
purging is accomplished in two steps
purging is not essential to the diagnosis
purging is allowed and
purging is the key to a trouble
purging is associated with health
purging is based upon an arbitrary volume
purging is the only way
purging is not included
purging is required
purging is our only business
purging is stopped both plungers are moved to the full forward position for head removal or
purging is accomplished by self
purging is postponed for about thirty minutes after drinking a large amount of water
purging is to place in fresh water where the worms will defecate
purging is too expensive and troublesome in most cases


Annnd:

binging is fun
binging is your enemy
binging is caused by distorted positive thoughts
binging is defined as explosive
binging is anything more than 3 glasses of wine in one sitting
binging is normal? i'm so confused
binging is more 'acceptable' in the dark
binging is a little bent but not bad at all
binging is good for the soul; exploding cigar exploding cigar
binging is out for liver lovers
binging is to avoid food for the entire day
binging is associated with increased risk of death
binging is not in fact recommended -- you don't say.
binging is becoming the weekend warrior's self
binging is so popular that stephen wallace


I'm done for now.