I had forgotten the way binging feels -- the sticky warmth of it, the way I feel like a failure for having so much food in me in the first place. Not that I always used to feel like a failure for binging. Right now I don't mind purging at all, but lately I hate anything and everything to do with binges. The anticipation, the rush, the frank enjoyment of the food... they're just not there anymore. I mean, I like the way the food tastes or whatever, but I don't *relish* it the way I used to. It's really fucking odd for me not to enjoy a binge.

I don't know what else to write.