Weight today was 95.2, but it's been jumping all around the 95s and 96s. I'm not really bothered about it. I know I'm not eating enough to gain any real weight... or if I was, it would show up on the scale and I could correct it. But 95.2 is actually down from several days ago, so I'm okay with my current level of intake.

I'm having what so far seems to be a pseudo / extremely light period... I had cramps and symptoms all day yesterday but with no blood, and this morning I woke up to the teeeeniest bit of brown blood. It may just be starting really slowly; but either way, it's screwed up from normal, since my period usually follows a pretty regular pattern. Maybe my weight actually is having some kind of effect on it? I honestly have no idea.

What I do know is that I do NOT want to gain weight. I will eat, what I consider "decent" amounts, and will likely continue to do so unless it makes me start to gain weight. My metabolism is up, however, so at this particular point I'm not super worried that a meal or two per day will make me gain anything. In terms of food, I feel surprisingly free and non-obsessed, given my weight and the fact that I would be quite willing to restrict to keep it to this level if necessary. I am glad of the heightened metabolism, because it lets me have that extra freedom and mental sanity. I do truly enjoy having more energy and clarity of thought than I normally would while restricting.

So... I'm not recovering, but I'm not totally deteriorating. I'm in an in-between place, but one that is easier to live with than any in-between place I've ever been in before. I must say that, relatively speaking, I enjoy it. I feel like I have at least a tiny bit of a life, or the ability to have a small sort of a life, which makes me feel happier and overall more well.