I just cannot seem to cope as of about five days ago, but it’s not something that’s going to go away quickly... and I get to my wit’s end about it every day. The only thing keeping me from doing something horrible to myself tonight is the fact that I’m going out of town for a few days tomorrow, which is something that I hope will keep me distracted and on the happier side for at least that time period.

I know one thing I need — therapy — but I can’t get that for quite a long time yet. (At least 2-3 months, and even then it might only be short-term therapy.) I have NO fucking idea how I’m going to continue to deal with this horrible, awful emotional pain EVERY GODDAMNED DAY until then... and probably longer still after that, since it will obviously take awhile to start dealing with it. I can’t imagine how I’m going to make it through every single one of those fucking days.