Talked to my psychiatrist today, and found out that my bloodwork is apparently not all completely fine. It seems that my hemoglobin is normal, but at the bottom end of normal; they haven't gotten my iron levels back yet, but he said they should within 2-3 days. Also, it seems that my white cell count is low, though not so low that they're asking for a hematology consult or anything, you know. But I'm surprised to find that anything in my blood work is amiss, even if it's something relatively minor like white cells being low. Anyway, I asked for the iron test because it was only in the high 40s last time it was tested, which was months ago, and since then I starved myself and stopped my iron supplements, so I suspect it has probably dropped a decent bit. Apparently the GP decided to do some sort of blood smear and other things, just to be on the safe side. I guess I'll get those results back eventually.

As for today... well, the morning was fairly interesting, but this afternoon is going to be boring, as it's going to be baking group, which I'm not allowed to attend as of yet. They bake cookies and things, which are trigger foods for me, so they don't want me there yet. I kind of hope maybe never. But then I kind of hope I'll be allowed sometime. It's fucked. I don't even know anymore.

I'm just... doing the best I can to be as positive and forward-looking as possible while I'm in here, and I think maybe it's working a little bit, but I have to keep keep keep working on it. Everything is really really hard, but I'm trying to believe that someday I might actually want this, and that someday things may not be so hard, and may even be good. I would love for them to be good.