It’s so strange... but I feel like ED is no longer a part of my life. Not that I don’t have the thoughts sometimes, urges, whatever, but… it is actually, for the first time since I got the ED, not at ALL welcome. I started voice lessons again recently (after over 6 years of illnesses), to train classically, and I can tell that with my new teacher there is absolutely HUGE potential for me to grow in my voice and performance. And I’m in two choirs as well, with directors I really like and members who love singing — and one of the choirs is actually doing classical repertoire, so I’m actually being challenged. And I just... well, I love it. Truly love.

Singing is, for me, pure joy. True joy. And not only that, but it’s one of exactly two things I think I have the most talent for in this world, creatively speaking. I haven’t felt joy in a VERY long time — so long that I can’t even remember when the last time was. High school, maybe. But more importantly, with the return of my singing I feel like I truly have something to live for now — and I don’t have to try so frigging hard just to tolerate my life, because I truly, legitimately LIKE my life now. And, because of all this, I feel that non-ED and non-borderline (or as close as I can get) is just a default, because it has to be. Disorder isn’t an option if this joy is to continue. And after so, so many years of horrible, awful misery and pain, I am not taking a single moment of my joy for granted.

I think it’s about fucking time I got my own back. If you’ll pardon my language. And I will not be stopped.