ED is back.

Weight has been in the 109s for like an ETERNITY now. At least 5-6 days. I can't fucking stand it anymore. I'm doing a coffee and 0-calorie liquids fast until it starts fucking coming off, because I CANNOT HANDLE THIS ANYMORE.

I've also started something I would never have done before, in a bid to actually keep having energy while I am restricting and anemic at the same time. Because I got bloodwork done, then ended up in the hospital for suicidality that weekend and... turns out I once again have iron-deficiency anemia. My ferritin was like 7, and my hemoglobin was low. Apparently they know for sure that it's diet-related because the bloodwork says my iron binding capacity is actually high. Which I'm glad for, because at least the iron supplements should work well. Apparently my hemoglobin was also low in DECEMBER, the last time I was hospitalized, but nobody bothered to fucking tell me. I'm livid about that. So I've basically been anemic for four entire months and the motherfuckers didn't bother to tell me back when it would have helped me more! I wouldn't have had to go through all this shit with being so tired, losing my skin color, etc etc etc. So, yeah, I'm mad. Isn't there a fucking REASON they do bloodwork in the first place!? Ugh. Just fuck them.

Anyway, I am treating the anemia as "prescribed" by the nurse practitioner and pdoc I saw while in hospital, and as I have at least two months' worth of iron pills still in my house, I didn't need a prescription. So there's that. I usually allow myself half a cup of juice to go with it, so I can supplement the iron with vitamin C. So that, coffee, and 0-cal drinks will be my entire intake. FUCK FOOD until I lose the goddamned weight I want to lose so fucking badly.

PS: Did I mention I basically hate everything? Then again, don't I hate everything most of the time anyway? Whatever.