At a normal weight. BMI: 19 or maybe a little above. I haven't managed to gain to a weight this "big" for about two years, so it's interesting. Equally interesting, but less good, is the fact that I've now managed to give myself abdominal obesity, and my body fat percentage is such that I come pretty close to qualifying for obesity in body fat as well. ED had a lovely little many-days-long freakout over this, convinced me I needed to lose weight -- even had me restricting again. But I figured something else out that I'm going to try.

I'm sure most or all of you have heard of the glycemic index (GI) -- for those who may not know, this is an index based on how much a food, condiment, etc will raise your blood sugar upon consumption. High GI foods include things like white carbs, sugar, regular soda, candy, etc. The idea of following a "GI diet" is to choose foods that are lower on the GI (low or moderate, instead of high) so that your blood sugars remain more stable, and you also feel fuller for longer. Protein basically doesn't have a GI unless it is plant-based, and vegetables have very low GIs. Some fruits have relatively low, or moderate, GIs also.

This diet was originally put forth more for diabetics than anybody else, but I find that when I generally apply the principles of GI to my life, I feel a lot better and I don't gain weight in the same ways, or I maintain more easily. For me, it means going from a diet of mostly junk food to actually making sure I have properly-portioned 3 squares, and a snack or two if I need it. It means I will be trying some different breads, or at minimum sticking to whole wheat or multigrain (either is much lower than white on the GI); I'll be making sure I get in my proper protein every day; I'll be trying to buy more veg and lower-GI fruits, and NOT buy much, if any, junk food (maybe as a once-a-day thing after I've finished my meal... if you eat junk after a meal it automatically lowers the rate at which that sugar enters your bloodstream). I feel it is appropriate to do this because a) I have a very high tendency to get sugar-addicted, and b) at least three of my dad's sisters are diabetic (two insulin-dependent) and my grandmother was, too, meaning diabetes is something in my genetics that I could easily inherit. Given my apple shape, and my hormone disorder PCOS, a disorder that correlates highly with diabetes, diabetes is even more of a concern, and highly likely to occur if I don't eat reasonably now. So I'm going to go back to following the GI as much as possible, though I'm not going to deny myself a treat now and again. (Hell, I just had a cafe mocha with breakfast, and hot chocolate is nowhere near low GI.)

I need to do this for my health, not just because I am abdominally obese or because my BF % is probably higher than it needs to be. I know that I need to start exercising as well, because I always feel better when I exercise, and I also really need to build up better muscle strength, particularly if I intend to get better at archery. I still can't pull back my recurve (bow) all the way and hold it there without shaking & significant muscle burn, and the draw is 25lbs MAX. (If you don't know much about archery, that is a standard beginner's draw, and pretty light compared to non-beginner and competition bow standards.) What I really want to do is swim... but this requires me to go buy, say, one of those 10-swim passes, which I don't currently have the money for (although I will tomorrow!). The problem is that if I have the money for exercise, bills, and my sponsor child, I don't have the money to actually eat. Oops.

However, I'm hoping to get a full-time job sometime near the end of May, a job I think I can actually handle (I recently had a stint at *fastfoodplace* but had to quit because I had a freakout and it took me like a week to get over it). If I get such a job, I will be able to afford all that I need PLUS save money for my desperately-desired trip to R. But I think I need to take a bit more time for me at this particular point in time... and my parents always fill in the food gaps if I have any. All I can do at this point is just make sure that whatever food I do buy is on sale, and is generally healthy. More fruit if I can, more veg (haven't been eating any), no fries and junk and general crap. If I cut out the junk and fries and stuff, that's probably at least 10-15 extra dollars right there. Which could go towards veg and such. Though I may have to use the white pasta and brown rice in my cupboard (both high GI), but at least I can pair it with high-protein foods and then also have dairy with it (which without added sugar is relatively low GI, at least if it comes from a cow).

I'm also working on adding some non-vegetarian things back into my diet... which will sound really f*cking stupid, given that I'm an ethical vegetarian, unless I tell you why. You see, when I go to R, I will have to eat meat. If I don't, my protein will be almost non-existent. The people I'll be staying with only have one rooster a week, and then eggs sometimes. This, as you can gather, isn't even adequate protein for a normal person, let alone minus the meat. So if I want protein, meat is going to have to happen there. They live in a very poor rural part of the country, and it's a poor country ANYway, so protein is a rare and valued commodity. In fact, I am actually looking into buying a compound bow, one of those funny bows with wheels and three strings and gadgetry, so I can hunt when I'm there. It's a skill that none of the girls have, but if I can get my hands on the bow and a sight and practice a lot, it will be a skill that I'll have, and it has the potential to help them out a lot.

My bigger problem will be finding the places that have game the girls (and my friend) are willing to eat. For example, would my friend eat rodent (like mouse or shrew)? Would the Rwandan girls eat that? I'm sure any of them would eat bird, rabbit, or wild hog. But I would love to be able to hunt bigger game, particularly the several types of deer/moose equivalent they have over there, and if I'm to do that and actually take an animal down with a bow and arrows, it needs to be a compound bow. Compounds shoot with much more force for much less drawback, and are a lot easier to aim. They are definitely the ideal hunting bow. You would need a 60, 70, 80lbs draw on a recurve to even come close to killing deer; on a compound your draw will be 50 or 60 and it will work, plus when you actually pull it back it will feel way lighter than that. I practiced with an 11lbs draw compound (a Lil Banshee youth compound) and it shot with the same force as my 25lbs recurve, but felt much lighter to pull back (and requires no constant force to keep back once drawn). So a 50 or 60lbs draw on a compound is probably going to feel more like 35-40lbs on a recurve, but it will have the force of an 80-100lbs recurve, which is the sort of force you need to hunt large game like a deer or moose equivalent.

And, yes, I've checked extinction statuses, etc... almost all of them are low-level status, meaning there are plenty of them. So assuming it's legal to hunt there (I'm guessing it is, or nobody's really going to pay that much attention if it's not), and presuming I can find a decent hunting spot or two, there is definite potential to get much more protein on the table for all of us. Which would be great for all our health. It is also a skill that's possibly marketable, if at some point I decided I wanted to stay. Of course, I'd have to learn how to gut, clean, and slice all the meat (which I kind of shiver at the thought of), as well as how to remove a hide so it's whole and sellable, but I have to be able to CATCH the game first. So the starting step is to get the compound bow with a sight, and learn to shoot well with it.

I'm guessing I can recruit a man, or a few, to hunt with me, which I'll probably need for protection and assistance (if we have to bring back heavy loads) regardless. Because while the wilderness may be full of game, there are also a lot of animals in R that would really like to eat a human -- all sorts of big cats, for example. And then there are monsters like rhinos and hippos that you just want to avoid because, well, if they trample you you're dead, and a bow probably isn't going to penetrate such a thick animal. The bigger problem is that I'm pretty sure all these animals are high on the extinction list and therefore not supposed to be killed... but, frankly, if I'm being chased down by a leopard or tiger somewhere, and it won't leave me alone, I'm going to HAVE to kill it. I don't know... maybe I can let the men have the skin and keep most of the meat in a case like that. I certainly wouldn't want to be wandering around trying to sell an illegal animal pelt.

Anyway, I guess this really went off topic, but... I am going to try to start eating things with gelatin in them. Like "regular" yogurts (non-organic ones). Even this is really difficult for me -- I've been avoiding doing it, been buying my same old organic yogurts -- but there would be a major cost difference if I ate regular yogurt (those actually go on sale, whereas the organic rarely does, and even then it's never much of a sale), and it would get me back into at least eating dead animal products, which would hopefully mean I wouldn't get violently ill the first time I ate meat (chicken or something white, because eating beef or pork your first time after a long time meatless can make you sick as a dog no matter what you've been doing). I don't want to do this preparation, but I feel like for my body to have to best chance, I need to do it. So on my next grocery list goes... gelatin yogurt. Ughhhhh.

I've written enough for one entry! I hope you guys are all doing well. Love you all.