I admitted to hospital for a week and a half, reached a breaking point I had hoped not to have to deal with, and as a result of it felt that it was necessary to discharge rather than waste people's time/money when I had gone back into ED mode very strongly. Turns out I didn't actually gain as much weight as I'd feared... though of course if I was fully hydrated the scale would look different, but I was never fully hydrated at home ANYway. Today's weight was 81.5, which puts me at BMI 14 exactly.

I just don't even know what to do or say anymore. I feel so, so disappointed and disheartened by all of this. What is so fucking WRONG with me that I canNOT make this work even when I actually want to????