I was having such a good day... and now it's all gone to shit again, and a large part of it is because of food. Yes. Motherfucking shitass FOOD.

How much longer am I going to have to deal with this bullshit? How much longer am I going to have to continue on like this, trying to make up "meals", trying to get enough calories without having too much, trying to eat so that I fill myself up but not eat so much that I am stuffed and uncomfortable? How many days or weeks is it going to take before I get a fucking CLUE!?

I don't understand. I used to be okay at intuitive eating. Now, though, it's like I don't have a proper "full" button, nor a proper sense of when I'm actually, truly hungry. I do not understand what happened that fucked this up so badly. I mean, I was b/ping right along when it worked before. Why does it stop now, when I'm not b/ping as much? I don't fucking GET it.

That nutritionist referral seriously can't come fast enough. I'm pretty sure I'm going to gain a shit ton of weight if I keep eating the way I am, and I'm not sure I can stand that. I'd probably end up going back to restriction first. And I don't want to do that... but if it's the only way to keep from becoming a motherfucking fatass, well, so be it. What has to be done shall be done.