The suicidal thoughts are starting to become more of a chronic condition than an acute, episodic thing. I don't think that's good, really, but I feel rather indifferent to it most of the time. It probably doesn't scare me like it should. It just feels like... the way things are. The way my brain works. It also feels, at this point, like something I've always had and always will have, although I realize logically that this last part isn't true. It just feels true.