The stress of the upcoming admission is really starting to make a whooole bunch of cracks in my armor now. I can't quite manage to suppress all my anxiety and moodiness. Too much of it seeps out. I dislike it. I think it is why I am suddenly feeling fat and want to lose weight again -- because I've been feeling way more out of control these last few(several?) days. I had been trying my very best to stick to restriction, but I've already b/ped twice today and am seriously considering doing it a third... another sign of my stress. God fucking dammit. Why is it that when it comes down to it I end up a b/per rather than a restrictor? That drives me absolutely mental.

On another note, I have had WAY too much coffee today -- at least four cups; possibly five (I am not sure if I counted them right). No wonder I've been up for 24 hours and counting. Of course, I'd also planned to be up for at least 24 hours, but that's okay. See, my sleep cycle is fucked, so I wanted to regulate it by... staying up later tonight. Hahaha. Trazodone will be my friend tonight. My sweet, sweet, near-and-dear friend.