It is amazing to me just how much better I feel after only a day and a half of not purging. It's actually ridiculous. My random spells of lightheadedness are much improving, to the point that they are almost gone; I am never hypoglycemic; I feel better nourished, I'm (slightly) more relaxed, AND I seem to be pooping again sorta on my own! Lol.

But the most amazing effect of all is how I am now starting to feel like I actually have a life again... a life in which issues matter, people matter, debates and feelings and conversations and deep thoughts matter. I never truly realize how much I've missed things like that until they come back after some absence.

And yet, after writing all that, I STILL want to go binge and purge right now. I just had a bowl of cereal and milk that I didn't really need, and I had been thinking of a b/p anyway while I was eating it, and so now I feel a little too full and like b/ping would somehow make it all feel better. Arrrrgh! GO THE FUCK AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE, ED. I AM SICK OF YOU ALWAYS BEING HERE!!!


I just wish it would actually listen to me sometimes when I say that. :|