Over the last week or so, my weight has gone from about 126 lbs to... get this... 132.6. I managed to gain 6 and a half pounds in one fucking week.

I know what has caused it, though. This is the product of several binges which I have not purged, especially over the last two or three days, and a few days before that in which I was eating crap even when I knew I shouldn't be. I know that probably at least half a pound to a pound of that weight is simply food which has not yet gone through my system -- poop weight, essentially -- but most of it is real, true weight.

Fuck.

So now... it is time to go back on a "diet", because I cannot stay at this weight. My body doesn't require it for my health, and I don't want it there at all, so off it is coming. Ideally I would prefer to aim for 500-750 cals a day, but I don't know if this is going to be reasonable for more than a day or two, so we'll say I can eat a max of 1000 a day. That's not even real restriction -- that's just a crash diet.

See? I don't have an eating disorder. I'm just being a conformist idiot who thinks how her body looks will change how people regard her.

... or, you know, I'm just terrified of having to go up clothing sizes (and therefore having to buy new clothes), and "dieting" is a surefire way to make sure that never happens.


Yeah. I suck big time.


PS: Oh, great... I also just got my period! So that may actually mean I have a pound or two of water weight on as well. This just gets better and better!! :|