It is sad that binging and purging feels like my only form of self-control these days. I can't even restrict anymore. The thought of not being able to eat whatever I feel like shovelling into my mouth makes me crazy. I hate the fact that I've gained a couple of pounds of pure flab, and I hate the fact that my eating feels so completely horrible and chaotic -- but any, and I mean ANY, form of capping what I eat or how much I eat (including reasonable, healthy eating) feels like somebody's just snapped a steel-coiled mouse trap down on me. It is painful and unbearable, and I could scream from the suffocation and agony of it.

What the fuck do you do when your eating's like that???