I do not want to digest solid food for the next two days. If I do eat solid foods, I must purge. But ideally I will not eat solid foods at all.

So far I've had Diet Pepsi, half a large coffee with 3 milk, and a medium French vanilla cappuccino. So it's not like I haven't had any calories... I'm just not eating "real" food.

I really, honestly feel like I could continue this indefinitely right now. Just... not eat. Or if I do, purge. I've purged at work several times now, and so far nobody's even come into the bathroom when I've done it. I can do it quickly, and silently. So far, nobody at work even suspects anything, because I've made it a habit to go to the bathroom at the end of breaks anyway, so it doesn't look any different to them. My other option is to just leave the store during break, bring my lunch container with some diet soda or something in it, or just say I'm getting Tims, and not even have to purge. There are so many ways around eating, honestly. It's only a matter of which I prefer to do.

It's strange how quickly this got bad. After I had to call the ambulance on [my friend who ODed], it was like all my anxiety just started nagging at me, and I started feeling worse at times than I had been, and I guess it hit me that good spurts in one's life don't last forever... eventually things always start getting shaken up again. And after I realized that, it was easy to just fall back into old habits, old routines. It was easy, so easy, to want to lose weight again, to want to not eat, to want to pursue ED to the fullest.

I guess I'm just fucked up. Whatever.