I am disgusted with myself. Somehow I made it back up to 117 again... I have no idea how I gained 2-3 lbs in like a week. (I ate more, yes, but not enough for THAT kind of weight gain.) I'm a fucking fatass, and I seem extremely unmotivated to get my act together and just stop fucking eating shitty foods. I'm disgusted with myself because apparently I want to remain this weight, given my gluttony and relatively apathetic attitude. Of course, a part of me obviously still cares a bit, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this... but it's just that usual critical aspect of myself, not my "real" self too. At least, I don't think it is.

The point is, I'm a fat fuck who seemingly won't stop being a fat fuck. I think I have every right to be disgusted with myself.

Today I'm doing a personal training session at my gym... although she called it a "personal health profile". I'm pretty sure she'll be doing a few fitness tests on me, and she said something about measurements and stuff... so, basically, I get to see just how fat and weak I actually am. Well, at least I'll know, with solid evidence, how I'm really doing, instead of playing a lot of guessing games.

God, I'm negative today.