I thought I'd repost something I just wrote to someone in a comment, because I thought it was rather illuminating regarding why I keep going with this eating disorder. The girl posted talking about wanting to get attention from her boyfriend through the eating disorder.

My ED actually has a lot to do with wanting people's attention, and affection. If I felt like I had that from people, no matter what I looked like or what I did to myself or how horrible I was, I'd not need to do any of it anymore. But that seems like too much to hope for. *sigh*