Sometimes I wish I actually thought of this eating disorder as a bad thing. However, I spend more of my time playing with the eating disorder, and enjoying how terrible it makes me feel physically -- enjoying not eating for long periods and eating very minimally when I do eat. Enjoying my own self-destruction, as I've been known to do.

It's no wonder I feel like I'm never going to get better from borderline. With a history like mine -- cutting since age fifteen, six overdoses, eight hospitalizations total, and now this -- what are the chances? I mean, honestly? It's hoping against hope.