Don't worry about me. I'm not worth it.
No, really. I'm actually not.

I am going to the dentist today. If I was able to cancel -- I would.
But I can't, because I have to get my teeth done in a certain order.
Did I tell you guys I have to have cavities filled in each of my four quadrants?
Yep, that's right.
Because I'm a disgusting fucking bulimic who doesn't brush her fucking teeth.

I don't know what I want -- but I don't want anything I have.
What is the precedent for flipping a life inside out?
I just want things to change.
I want my head to change.
I want me to change.
But nobody will help me change me. Nobody in this godforsaken province seems to have the skills necessary to help me.
If nobody has the skills to help me, how the fuck am I ever going to get better?!?!

The answer is: I can't. I won't be able to.
I'll be stuck here rotting slowly, until one day I either take my own life or die of some medical consequence of the ED.
The ED, which isn't even good enough to be anorexia, but which I could still die of anyway.

If no one can help me, I wish they'd just let me die.
Or I wish they'd help me die.
Because I am slowly but surely reaching the limits of my tolerance.
And once I reach them... I'm sure something stupid will happen.
Because something stupid always does happen.

THIS SHIT NEEDS TO END BEFORE I GO EVEN MORE FUCKING INSANE THAN I ALREADY AM.