I really really hate my mother sometimes.

"You're not even trying."
"You have to get some control over this."
(about purging)

Says the same woman who thinks me not working or going to school is a choice.

Says the same woman who in July is going to make me pay over two-thirds of my social assistance cheques in rent because she wants me to have some "responsibility for [my]self". (The truth is, she really wants me to get a job, and figures that if she makes me pay rent I'll HAVE to get a job, because she KNOWS how much I hate not having any money for myself.)

Says the same woman who thinks I'm lazy because obviously I am REALLY fucking happy living off government CHARITY instead of earning my own income. She believes this, I can only surmise, because I have told her repeatedly how much I hate being on welfare, how I hate how little money it is, and how I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life and I hate that, too.

Do the words "I have depression and an eating disorder" mean ANYTHING to her!?!?

OH MY FUCKING GOD. WILL SOMEONE KNOCK SOME FUCKING SENSE INTO THIS WOMAN????


From now on I'm purging in the den, or maybe the back porch -- somewhere below them, on the opposite side of the house -- into a bucket, and dumping it in the toilet afterwards. Neither of them will ever hear me again. I am THROUGH having it always implied that my problems are an unfortunate set of bad behaviors that I could easily just fix if I wanted to. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I WANT TO KILL THEM ALL. THOSE FUCKING IDIOTS KNOW ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING ABOUT ME OR MENTAL ILLNESS. HOW DARE THEY TRY TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT DO???

I WISH I COULD GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE. I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE.