Intuitive/normal eating

For the moment, at least, I'm trying the whole intuitive/normal eating thing. So far today I've found it's gone rather well. Since I had only eaten a small carton of yogurt before supper, and Dad asked me if I wanted a chicken burger and fries, I said yes. However, instead of having the fries, I decided to have a side of mixed frozen veggies, because I prefer to have one grain, one protein, and one veggie serving instead of having two grains and one protein. Not to mention that the former option is much more nutritionally balanced. I mean, at Homewood, a burger was never served with fries. One would simply have a side salad with it, and then some sort of fruit or yogurt for "dessert". Since I had yogurt before, and vegetables with, I figure I got everything I was supposed to get and also didn't go over, which for me has been a very hard balance to strike since I got home. Of course, at Homewood I'd also have had some sort of caloric liquid, but I'm still very squicky about drinking any of my calories, so I almost never do it anymore.

A couple hours after eating, though, I became quite hungry again. I guess this is sort of understandable, since I'd been awake since 2:30 and had b/ped the night before, leaving me pretty empty... and anyway, one's body does not usually tell a person it is hungry unless it means it. So, after kind of being peeved that it was hungry and ignoring it for awhile, I finally decided to go get something to pacify it. Specifically, I had a decent-sized bowl of cereal with milk, and am now drinking a large glass of Diet Pepsi. (I still drink a lot of Diet Pepsi, partly to make myself feel fuller, so I can be SURE I'm actually hungry when I feel hunger pangs, and partly because I really like it and can't seem to get along without it.) I feel pretty satisfied now -- not too full and not too empty. And I know I don't have to eat again till I get hungry, which is nice. I can concentrate on other things without being distracted by my belly or thinking of food constantly.

I dunno. I guess I figure that since I'm not totally willing to run straight for my disorder(s) again, I really have to try to move at a decent rate in the opposite direction. And the other way leads to a world in which my weight, my size, and my appearance really aren't the be-all and end-all of my life. It's much more important, in that world, that I be healthy and happy than that I be noticeably small. Healthy, to me, means eating when hungry and stopping when I'm full, but eating good foods most of the time. It also means keeping decently active -- not being sedentary like I've been for most of my teenage and adult life. I've tried to get at least a little bit of walking in every day; today I doubt I will go for a walk, so instead I'm considering playing some DDR. I really like DDR, and I've always wanted to get better at it, but usually I put it off. Maybe I should actually do it for once!

To be honest, I'm not sure how long this is going to last. Hell, my resolutions could all be gone in a few hours. Not to mention that I've still been b/ping on a fairly regular basis, so I can't honestly say I've entirely given up the ED, or that I even want to. But at least I'm trying (most of the time) to end the whole starvation aspect of it.

But it's probably a mistake to expect everything to be better all at once, anyway.