I'm getting to the point again where I feel as though no one truly likes me, and I have always been alone and always will be alone, and I don't like it. The worst part is that it's not any one thing that drives shit like this -- it's a bunch of things which all seem to lump together in my head, in ways I can never predict and am not usually able to follow as they progress, and so the end result hits me all at once and it seems to come from totally out of left field.
But maybe I am actually alone. Maybe I always was. It certainly feels that way, anyhow. And there are still aspects of myself which I feel I must keep hiding from the general public, and I don't see how that's going to change... but unless it changes, I will always feel horribly alone and unacceptable to people. And I have no fucking idea where to even start resolving this issue.
Why is my brain so fucking screwed UP?!?!
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
4 comments:
You have grown accustomed to these cycles you are in! They did a test a number of years ago with a dog and pain. They put the dog in a pen and on the floor they had built in an electric charge in one half of the floor of the pen. They put the dog in and he yelped and jumped and ran away to the other half of the pen where there was no 'charge'. They put him in and out of this pen for several days. After a few days he would no longer yelp and jump and run away, rather he would just stay there and endure the pain. Then they started putting him into the side of the pen without the 'charge' and he would go over and lay down in the 'charged' side instead of staying in the 'uncharged' side. This is a remarkable study regarding pain and suffering addiction and our neuroceptors. I wish I knew where the link to this was. It was done before computers but I will try to find it. They tell it better than I do as well as it's implications. It stuck in my mind because of the pain I was enduring in my quest to regain my sanity at the time. I, like you, was aware of and knew that this pain and torment that I was living in was not what life really was and that I needed to find a way out of it. It was so long and hard to find that I would have said the hell with it but for my little children I endured and found the way. Every bit of everything I learned is on my web sites. It can help millions. It took me thirty years. Now that it is known it can be done in one year or less. It's simply no drugs or masturbation or any other addiction! Food, air, water and sunshine! Natures perfect plan and it is so rich and full of life that it's indescribable! I never would have made it if I hadn't figured out or rather found out that sugar and hybrid carbohydrates are pure poison stimulant drugs. This and my already knowing that caffeine and tobacco were drugs paved the way for me. I am 100% drug free and I wish this for every child that ever lives, from birth to death.
I also never would have made it if I hadn't known that pharmaceuticals were deadly poisons. Talk therapy is fine!
Fruit has been hybrid a thousand fold. OK, I'm out of this! Good Luck!
One last thing! You head off into those woods and swamps and jungles and tell me how much fruit you find! You will starve to death!
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