Some of you know that I have been vaguely considering doing a Bachelor of Science instead of a Bachelor of Arts, which would usually have been my default choice. A couple of you were pretty surprised that I would even consider majoring in sciences instead of arts, and with good reason. I was, too, actually. But I figured out why I was even thinking about it.

See... science is safe. With science, you just have to learn the material and recite it back, robot-like. There are right answers and wrong answers. There is no grey area of essays and opinions and research, where people can criticize you and judge you and find fault with every argument and statement and source. I mean, obviously there is a point at which science can start to be questioned -- but all that is based on empirical evidence, solid facts, whatever. It is much more impersonal, and less widely open to interpretation, than arts.

That being said, science can be pretty cool, and very useful, and I actually have liked science ever since I was young. I never really saw myself as having a scientific career, but I always liked science.

So... am I just pursuing it because I'm afraid? Would it be a mistake to do the science thing? Am I really an arts person who'll be doing myself a great disservice with a B.Sc? I don't know. I'm just... confused a lot lately. I don't seem to have much idea who I am or what I like or what I want to spend my time doing or what my passions are or who I want to be in the months and years to come. And I've been trying to figure all this out on my own, but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it on my own, and I find attempting to sort out everything in my head very overwhelming and difficult, but I know I have to eventually.

God. Why must I overthink everything and make all this shit so complicated?? Holy crap. I need to shut off my brain somehow. Only I have no idea how to do that, either. *headdesk*