Been meaning to update for a few days... have been putting it off. Oh well. It's not like it can't wait.

Had a binge of epic fucking proportions last night. That, plus my overeating of the day before (due to being sick -- the food made me feel better), put 3.4 fucking pounds on me. I am completely grossed out. However, I fully intend to compensate for my disgusting-ness by coffee/liquid fasting for the next three days. Which means coffee is the only liquid I will consume that actually has many calories in it (milk). Everything else will be diet soda, Crystal Light (about 5 cals per cup?), maybe some flavored electrolyte water (5 cals per 2 cups), and water. If I've got any fucking willpower left, I can liquid fast for three days. And I DO have willpower left. I am going to prove it to myself by doing this.

I'm also doing this because my gag reflex seems to be dying, which is why I binged so badly last night and didn't purge. I had already binged once before that night, but despite heaving and heaving it would NOT all come out. And I wanted to binge too fucking badly to be able to stop myself. By the time I managed to stop eating last night (due to an EXTREMELY spicy hot n sour noodle cup), I quite literally looked like I was about 2-3 months pregnant. I think I actually have pictures of it on my phone. Maybe I'll post them. Or maybe not. I don't generally like posting body image photos.



Another thing I've been meaning to write about is the ED clinic referral... which is becoming an ongoing and apparently epic saga . Actually, the word I've been calling it is "rigamarole". "Pedantic" would also apply.

My psychologist asked me at our last appointment on Wednesday if I wanted her to call the ED clinic and find out where I am on the waitlist process, which I agreed to, since I hadn't heard from them yet and was wondering why. She got me to write down my email address and told me that she'd send a message if she heard anything.

On Thursday at around lunchtime I got an email from her, which read as follows:

Hi. I spoke with the ED Program today. They are waiting for the return of the info package from your MD. Their policy is, if they have not received it back after one month, they will send a reminder letter to the MD. In this case, that would be early next week. Once they review that, and the info fits with their criteria, they will contact you for an interview and an RMI (to assess readiness for the program). The person I spoke with thought that would be within the next few weeks. Hope that helps.

That surprised me, because I had expected the delay to be on the ED clinic's end... since the hospital had let me go after the weird EKG thing, I figured everything was good to go.

So I called the GP's office, and she told me that the reason she hadn't sent my referral was actually because of the EKG. Apparently there was some slight abnormality in one of the waves. She said that they usually look for a specific kind of abnormality in EDs, which mine didn't fit, but she thinks the clinic probably won't be happy with that EKG and is likely to simply turn me down because of it. So she wants to send me to a cardiac specialist to get 100% medically cleared for all things cardiac. She didn't sound as if she thinks anything is really wrong with me, though. I think she's just being extremely thorough, so the ED clinic can't deny me for something minor that doesn't actually mean anything. You know.

So the bullshit factor just went up by about 1000... but I suppose, if something actually is wrong, I should find out. However, I suspect that all this is probably just a waste of time -- as if enough time hasn't been wasted already on this goddamned referral. But I've gone this far, I suppose, and I'll be damned if I let bureaucratic medical shit stand in my way. Or something. Or, y'know, I'll go because my GP will probably murder me if I don't. Whatever works. :P


So... yeeeeah. That's about where everything stands right now. I'm sure you're all highly interested. *yawn*