Crossposted from forum.


So I am finally, FINALLY almost done the fucking referral process for the ED clinic. Really, it's become a bit of a pain in the ass. I went to my GP for the third and final time today to do medical shit for the referral... she had to take my blood pressure & pulse both lying down and standing up, take my temperature, order me an EKG, and make sure she had all the necessary bloodwork done. Turns out there are a few fairly minor things she didn't know about, so now I get to go have my arm pricked again as well as a bunch of sticky tabs attached to my chest -.-. She also had to fill out a form the clinic sent her, which included questions about my high, low, and current weight(s), and current height. Her scale read me as 107.5, which is about what I expected; my home scale read 105.4 this morning, and all I'd had before my appointment was a couple of coffees. Actually, I've been liquid fasting for the last two days, aside from a b/p last night, & also took Colace yesterday evening, as I didn't want to look fat on her scale :|. But whatever. The first thing I did when I came home tonight was have oatmeal and baby carrots, so it's not as if I'm uniformly reluctant to eat real food. I was really glad to finally have something solid in me again, actually. But I digress.

All I have to do is go to the hospital, get the EKG and bloodwork done, and wait for the doctor to send my stuff off and then for the ED clinic to get back to me. I don't think there's any worry of not getting accepted - even my blood pressure and pulse were good, which were the only things I was worried might actually be fucked, and in every other way I am apparently the picture of health. My body always seems to really want to stay stable, & to work hard to make that happen, no matter what I do to it. That's a good thing, I guess.

Also, I saw my psychiatrist today for the first time in two months. He was very nonchalant about the news that I was engaging in ED behaviors again. He just thinks it's a symptom, and that I need to explore why this has suddenly come on again - what it's a reaction to, what the "real" reason for it is, etc. Well, duh, I know that. The problem is that all my insight and all my intellectual ability to analyze shit just isn't stopping the symptoms, and the symptoms are getting too bad too fast to ignore right now. He did seem to think the referral to the ED clinic was a good idea, though - said it would help me to manage the symptoms, at least. Not that he spent a lot of time talking about that, either, but whatever. He admitted himself that he doesn't really do eating disorders, so I guess I can't expect much from him in that regard.

In general, though, I'm just taking everything as it comes for now, one day at a time. That's all I seem capable of at this point, so it will have to do. Hopefully this referral won't be too ridiculously slow in coming through, and I can try yet again to get my life back on track. I just can't help wondering how many more tries this is going to take before it actually fucking sticks. :S