So, as some of you may know, I post all the updates I've been putting here on a forum I frequent. Regarding my last post, a friend said, at the end of a fairly lengthy response:

Is there anything nice you can do for yourself - not relating to the ED at all that might lift you a little? [...] Sorry I've rambled so much.


And here are the two entries that I wrote today.


7:43 AM

Don't be sorry, R, love... I really appreciate your reply :). As for doing nice things for me, well, I'm trying to get out of the house a little more and stuff like that. I still have my novel for NaNoWriMo, although I only have about 2k words total so far (will need to write ~2400 a day to win at this point, but I'm not so concerned about winning). I went to choir last night, which I do every week, and then after I hung out with my friend and we had a good chat. Haven't seen her in far too long, so it was good!

I am also trying not to refuse meals, etc, when people offer them, or for things like formers' supper, where obviously I'd be expected to eat. I'm actually going to supper at my parents' house tonight -- we're having ribs. Of course, I'm also planning on eating very little all day so I don't gain anything, and hopefully lose. *sigh* It never ends.

Anyway, there's not exactly any need to worry about my weight atm, as I've gained :|. Yesterday I was 106.4 in the morning, and 105.4 an hour or two later; today I was 105.8. The fact that I had at least 1600-1700 calories yesterday probably did not help that very much. Oh well -- I don't intend to have that number again today. I do not want to be this weight. More incentive to get the b/ping under control, I suppose, as I know basically all the weight gain came from the binging, and/or some possible residual edema. I feel much better edema-wise today, though, so I'm not convinced I'm actually retaining a ton of fluid at this point. But I guess you never know.

Blah. *heavy sigh*


Also, I have my echocardiogram today. Let's hope I'm not medically unstable in any way. Heartbeat was doing odd things last night -- pace would change seemingly randomly, & did so several times. I didn't actually skip any beats or anything like that... the speed at which it was beating just kept changing. But I'm sure that whatever it is will probably be caught on the echo, as I don't really feel any different this morning, so we shall see how it goes. Hopefully I'm just being a hypochondriac again.


11:02 AM:

Had the echo... the technician asked me if my doctor had ever said anything to me about a heart murmur :|. Thing is, I was listening to it as it was being done (during some short parts you can hear sound) and a few of them did sound a little funny :S. She also asked me, after she'd finished the echo, if I had an appointment scheduled with my doctor, and I said that I was seeing him on December 8th, and she said, "Oh, not till December?" like she thought it should be sooner. Ughhhh. Paranoia. :| :|

Anyway, I see my GP next week, on Tuesday, so I'll mention it to her then. It's easy enough for her to get the stethoscope out and listen to my heart to see if there really is a murmur, or whatever. Plus I spose I really need to bring up the fatigue, the dizziness I've been having randomly since last night, that sort of thing. For now the confusion seems to be at bay, which is a good thing, but I am aware that it could be due to my extra calories yesterday. Note the word "could". Hypochondriac yet again. I worry about these things too much. :/