So the extreme sleepy-making side effects of the Risperdal mostly died after day 1, and seem to be basically entirely gone now. However, I am still having a lot of difficulty with concentration, etc. Thing is, I'm not convinced it's the med that's doing this. It seems like when I eat a little more, or smaller amounts more frequently, I do not have such huge issues with being able to focus. When I don't do either, however, my brain and my body turn themselves to shit. Or so it's been the last couple of days. :S

Woke up with really bad edema this morning. Fingers were all swollen and inflexible. Of course, my stupid ass didn't drink proper fluids to drive the edema out... no, I decided instead to have coffee so the diuretic effect would make the edema go away :S. I know this is not going to work in the long term... I need to hydrate properly. But I didn't want to have to drink all the fluids, and stay edemic for a long time, and probably not get to leave my house because I was "fat" from water retention, so I drank coffee, made some more coffee, and came out to the university instead. :|

Actually, I'm having a lot of symptoms of hypokalemia (low potassium), which I know really isn't good. The edema. Being thirsty all the time (and drinking plain fluids doesn't seem to alleviate my thirst much). Also, "confusion" can be another symptom, so maybe my mental symptoms are some kind of combination of low-ish blood sugar and low-ish potassium... I don't really know. [I was also really shaky and funny-feeling this morning when getting on the bus, walking, etc.] I'm not exactly a doctor, so I shouldn't be diagnosing myself with shit, I realize. But low potassium is something I should be aware of the possibility of, because it can cause serious problems if it gets too bad.

Thing is, even though I'm thinking this all through, trying to keep track of it, etc... I don't see how I can possibly fix it. I feel like I can't change the habits of the ED, even if it does eventually lead to medical instability. I just can't. Do it. I guess it's that OCD-like rigidity which does seem to accompany my ED, even when it's not pure, or even "good", restricting. I get very set in the sort of routine I build for myself, or a set of ways I can feel within the ED, and anything that threatens to interrupt it is unacceptable. But it really isn't going to be cool if keeping myself together mentally makes me seriously unstable physically. -.-



Also, I realized that I haven't been updating about appointments and things lately, so although this entry is about a thousand years long already, I will do that now. I mean, everyone is obviously more than welcome to skip reading it if they want. Lol.

So I finally had my cardiologist appointment last Monday. What he said to me, basically, was that he doesn't think there's anything really wrong with me, either... but he's still sending me for more tests -.-. I got a cardiac stress test booked when I was there, which is for either late November or early December, and they sent me a letter in the mail about an echocardiogram, which I'm supposed to get done on Tuesday. Which is odd, as I was under the impression that it took awhile to book ECGs, but I guess it's also good? At least I'll get it out of the way, anyhow.

So it looks like the ED clinic may be even slower in coming now. *sigh*. However, my social worker (who is amazing) had previously sent a referral for an interim dietician on my behalf, and that person called me on... Thursday, I believe? So I actually have an appointment with her for this coming Thursday. I'm pretty nervous about it, on the one hand, because I know she's going to weigh me, will ask me fairly in-depth about eating behaviors, etc. On the other hand, I know I can simply leave the appointment and do absolutely nothing that she suggests. But the recovery-oriented part of me is not going to let me do that -- I know it won't. So I expect that this RD appointment is going to succeed in further widening the gash between my disordered and recovery sides, which may or may not be productive. But I can't just sit here and do nothing, either. It's pretty confusing. Then again, everything seems to be lately. :/


PS: I apologize if part of this are badly written. I guess it makes sense that an inability to properly focus/concentrate would come out in my writing, too. :S