So. You'll be interested to hear what happened in therapy today, I think. At the end of the session, I agreed to try and do three things:

1. Only weigh myself once every second day. Yeah, I know... I hate it, too. But she wanted me to try and not weigh myself for another week, and I just couldn't do it -- so I thought of this as a sort of compromise. I think I can live with every second day. Not sure if I can reduce it any more than that, but maybe in doing this I'll become slightly less obsessed with the scale... ?
2. Try to think of a food item I can get my parents to buy me, that I will cook and eat one day of next week (not this week) in addition to the food I'd normally eat that day. And keep it down. This one's going to be a toughie, if I can manage it at all... but for this week I only have to think about the food item, so I'm not under too much stress yet.
3. Finally... no fasting. :|. I like fasting so much... but I can give it up. Plus, not fasting doesn't = high calorie count by any means. I could eat one apple and that would be considered not fasting. So I can live with it, just as long as I can still restrict, which I am able to -- for now.

You may be wondering why I even agreed to try (honestly, not just pretending) to do these things. It was because my therapist pointed out something to me: If I am going to recover, it would be better to do it on my own terms instead of having it forced on me. The mere thought of hospitalized recovery is absolutely terrifying to me. And if I'm looking at this with realism, the eating disorder will end sometime -- in months or years I know not, but it will stop. And either it will end in one of three ways: because I recover by choice, because I recover by force (at first), or because I die. It would be nice to recover by choice, and on my own, if it's at all possible.

Mind you, this is no guarantee that I'm actually going to be able to do it. I can live with not fasting. I can live without weighing myself every day. I am not sure if I can live with putting more food into my body, which is really the key factor. We'll see.......