Weigh-in: 118.6. Someone explain to me how it's possible to be the EXACT same weight three days in a row?? 'Cause I don't get it. I don't think that's ever happened to me before now. Very, very weird.

I'm having lots of physical effects these days from the ED, but, other than the boredom eating, I never really have that much of a (mental) desire to eat. Sometimes the physical cravings manifest themselves as mental ones, but I'm learning the difference now. My real, true will to eat, the part inside my head, hardly exists anymore. I mean, sure, some food tastes good. Whoopie. Big fucking deal. The only reason I even need taste every now and then is because drinking plain water all the time starts to taste really bad and make me vaguely sick after awhile. I only eat to get a few vitamins, minerals, and electrolytes, so that I can stay out of the hospital for the time being. Other than that? I don't care. I just don't fucking care at all. Not eating really doesn't bother me.

In fact, watching other people eat their piles of food seems to gross me out a lot lately. From what I've read on LJ and such, I think this is a pretty common attitude among people who restrict. You see people consume the amount of calories you'd eat in a day in one sitting, and you can't help letting a tiny flicker of disgust cross your face, just for an instant. You can't help watching them chew and think how gross it would be to eat all that yourself. If you're like me, you can't listen to your father burp later and not think something like, "If he'd just stop eating so bloody much he wouldn't have to make such loud and disgusting-smelling burps all the time." I know bodily functions are supposed to be normal and all, but can't he do it somewhere else, or at least not as loudly?? God. Nasty.