So apparently I GAINED 1.4 lbs from yesterday. How annoying.

I am setting my teeth, sailing in, with a trace of a satisfied, knowing grin.


Fitday says I need to lose 2.01 lbs a week, now, to get to my goal. A normal meal plan is 2000 cals, so to get the deficit, simple mathematics tells me I need 1000 calories of deficit per day to make a 7000 cal deficit per week. This means I cannot eat a single calorie above 1000 cals per day, if I hope to reach my goal.

So what happened last night -- a little relaxation on my part -- can't happen if I want to lose this weight. And I want to be what I was before -- small. Right now I'm just that silly, undesireable thing that everyone calls "normal". I have no fucking interest in remaining at "normal". I want to be better than that. I want to have willpower and control and all that stuff, all over again. I want to be thin. I do. I really do.

I did a My Virtual Model pic of me now and me at 110 lbs. The girl at 110 lbs looks so much better. When the picture transformed from 125 lbs to 110 a coating of fat fell off, right before my very eyes, and I saw that it was good. Since some of you are probably now interested in seeing that picture, here it is:


Girl #1 is average -- boring -- blah. Girl #1 is a size 5-7, with thunder thighs and an ugly belly and a layer of fat over all bones. Girl #2 is the weight I was before I gained 15+ motherfucking pounds while supposedly eating a normal amount of food (well, there goes THAT idea). Her arms are much thinner -- the sort of arms I had before. Her torso is vastly imprived. Her thighs would still touch, as mine always did despite weight loss, but you can tell that they are much less volumous in comparison.

Girl #2, I await thee. And in 15 or so pounds, I will be you. Again.

I can't wait.