This fast isn't even hard for me.
Because I don't deserve to eat.
I don't deserve to sustain my life with food.
I don't deserve health or weight maintenance or any of that.

People who were worth something would deserve it,
but I'm not worth anything, in my own opinion (which is the only one that matters to me right now),
so I don't deserve it.

I hate myself so bad -- and I've hated myself for so long -- that I'm starting to doubt it will ever go away.

I never cared about my weight, not really. I just care that by eating, I'm willfully sustaining my life.
I'm saying, "I feel okay, and I'm okay with living."

But I'm not.
So eating is just fucking out of the question, isn't it?

I don't even care if my metabolism stops. Let it.
I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING EAT ANYMORE.
And that is ALL I care about.
Losing weight will just be a pleasant by-product.
Which I don't deserve, really, but I deserve even less to be "healthy".

So fuck it.
Bring on the starvation.
I'm ready for it.