I crave difference. I crave change. I always need things to be evolving -- moving somewhere, somehow. It never seems to matter much to me whether this movement and shifting goes in self-destructive directions or in positive directions... it just needs to go. I always need to feel as though I'm accomplishing something, which is another big piece of this. When I was losing weight, I was accomplishing something. When I was in and out of hospitals because I ODed every few weeks, things were always changing, not to mention that I was distracted for a little while. When I was in school, before all this shit began, I was accomplishing something.

I'm trying to think of it like this, in the hopes that it will help me:
~ Think of the next few weeks as a vacation -- time for yourself, to do whatever the hell you want.
~ Then comes the two weeks on your trip, which will hopefully be very very FUN and relaxing and good times.
~ Then... the real work begins. Put out resumes, go to any interviews you're asked to, and enjoy the time off that you have left before you begin a fulltime job.
~ Do the fulltime thing until the end of December, by which time you'll have enough money saved to pay to start school again in January. Obviously, I'd keep working part-time, so I'd have some money, and I'd probably do... four courses? And then maybe one or two during Intercession, if I need to do that.

So, see? You have a plan. You want to go back to school. You want to learn things and eventually get a better-paying job and be more financially well-off and more successful. Until then, taking the days as they come, and enjoying things, will be the aim of the game. You can do this. You CAN do this. You know you can. You really want to, and really need to, and so you CAN.

This is the sort of thing I usually have to tell myself quite often, otherwise I get really down in the dumps and despairing. But it's not even like I'm lying to myself. It's all true. it IS true. If I did it before, I can do it again.

Breathe in, out. Take some baby steps. Try to enjoy things. You are okay. You will be okay. Things will work out. Your life will be okay.