This will possibly make some of you angry, but I don't care.

Life is not fun when you're obsessed with how you look or how much you weigh.

All you think about is how fat you look, what size you're going to fit into today or next week or next month, if people look at you and notice that your belly sticks out a little bit, if people think you're ugly because you're fat, how people are judging you. You are basing YOUR ENTIRE BEING on what other people think of your physical form. Thinking about it, it seems so stupid, so laughable. How did I get trapped in all that bullshit? How did I start thinking that my worth actually WAS determined by what I look like on the outside?

The outside? Pah! How did anyone change the world with how they look on the OUTside? Do you think Albert Einstein worried much about whether he had a pot belly? Do you think Isaac Newton cared if he weighed 5 or 10 or 15 extra pounds? Do you think Charlotte Bronte imagined herself useless and unworthy if her dresses were a little bigger this year than last year?

This obsession with pounds and body fat percentage and low-fat this and Atkins that and Calorie Restriction this and skinny celebs that... it's all so recent, and yet we act like it's the Ultimate Truth Of Life and always has been. 100 years ago, people would have laughed in your face if you suggested that being thin was sexy or desireable. 100 years ago, being larger was actually MORE ideal than being thin. And why is it, exactly, that that attitude is so obviously wrong and our own is so obviously RIGHT? I'll tell you why... the truth is, there ISN'T any reason, because truth is subjective, much as people like to claim that their ways are the ONLY ways. (They're not.)

I'll tell you a little something else. I think most of the reason for the fat backlash in the first place is because of obesity. However, people with EDNOS and bulimia are, for the most part, not obese, and people with anorexia certainly aren't. And if we are not at medical risk because of our weights... and most of us are not... the idea should be to maintain HEALTH.

I'm so sick of buying into this cultural propaganda that thinner is better. It's NOT. HEALTHY is better. Thinner does not necessarily equal healthier, especially not when one is in shape and happy and eating properly and being active. Sometimes you can't even do that stuff when you're skinnier, because you're lethargic and cold and don't want to move and feel absolutely fucking miserable. So HOW the fuck is thinner better??

I just can't do the superficial thing anymore. I can't. It's killing me inside, and once was close to killing me outside, too. I want to be happy and fulfilled and connected, and I want to do what I used to do, and I want to actually enjoy my life. And not a single damned one of those things involve rigidly controlling my weight.

I am THROUGH with giving in to this BULLSHIT!!!!! My value is NOT determined by a number on a piece of metal and plastic!! My worth is NOT determined by how much fat I have on my body, or how much I eat or don't eat!! I am a living, breathing, THINKING human being, and I refuse to let myself be subjected to this SHIT any longer!!!!

You can all be miserable if you want to... try to fit some cultural ideal based on the belief that maybe someday adjusting all the stuff on the outside will fix the problems on the inside. It won't -- but you can try to kid yourself if you feel like it. I, however, don't. I'm done. I'm motherfucking DONE.