Everything I thought I was good at -- I no longer do. I no longer can do most of them, so it seems.

Someone told me, after commenting about my singing on a video site, that I was put on this earth for a reason.
All I could think was that if I've been put here to share my musical talents, I'm obviously not doing that, so I'm clearly a waste of life and space and clearly have no reason for existing now that I'm not sharing my "talents".

What the fuck in this world is worth living for?
I have no idea anymore.

Sometimes I think it would be worth living if I could write critically acclaimed poems or novels.
If I could sing critically acclaimed classical or folk music.
If I could become a critically acclaimed scholar.
If I could do ANY fucking thing that was appreciated in the intellectual community.

But I am pretty sure I never can.
So I am a waste of life and space and I will never do anything good with my life. I will never do anything right.

I wasn't in the top 10 of my high school class.
I never had my poetry formally published.
I never sang provincially or nationally or internationally -- not even with chamber choir. I couldn't even get my fucking head straight for long enough to compete with them.

I am a fucking failure.

And don't even bother commenting about how my thinking is warped, etc. I don't want to fucking hear your criticisms. I'm so SICK of people letting me know how I'm not good enough. I FUCKING GET IT, OKAY? So shut your fucking mouths before your vocal cords have a chance to start vibrating, okay? Just shut your goddamned condemning mouths.