I got Dr. Mo, thank god. It's kind of funny to call him Dr. Mo, though, because he's so old and... mild. Not a Mo at all. I guess I just don't want to use full names in here. Except for that son of a bitch Mak--, or however you spell it. I will never apologize for my opinion of that man.

Had a meeting with Dr. Mo, my nurse, some medical student, and the social worker today. It was... frustrating. Some of the meeting was fairly routine, but then they started questioning me about whether I've done the IOP program, and blah blah blah, and when I told them I did it and it didn't work, and I didn't want to go back because I didn't see how it would help any more now than last time, they started jumping down my throat a bit, the social worker in particular. She was saying I have to have a positive attitude about it, and all this shit, and it was kind of like... I told you I think I need to go somewhere and do a program, and I've told you IOP didn't help me stop binging or purging, yet you sit here telling me to look at the positives??? What the fuck is that shit? I felt like they weren't understanding what I was saying because they thought I was merely under a veil of negativity/pessimism, and that really pissed me off. Because my assessment of the situation is honestly accurate... I'm sure if you've been reading this for a long time, you'd agree that I need residential or something, not OP or IOP. If I'm pessimistic or negative, it's because I've seen what options I can see and they don't look good. I'm sorry if that bothers the damned team.

I haven't met with the dietician (L) yet at all... my nurse said she doesn't even know L's schedule. Now that it's inevitable that I see her sometime, I just want to get it over with, and I'm anxious to do so. It's really hard to just sit around and wait for a bomb to drop on my head. On the other hand, my blood sugar was actually up to 4.8 before lunch, which is pretty high for me lately, so I didn't bother to eat any lunch... just a can of Diet Pepsi. And I had a grande coffee from Starbucks (I think it was grande) with some milk and 3 sweeteners all this morning. Maybe the milk is part of why my sugar was so good. In any case, I was happy, because all yesterday I was having to eat a whole lot more than I wanted because my sugars kept going into the 3s... once it was even 3.0. So I'm going to avoid eating till my sugar goes so low that I can't avoid it anymore. Fuck food, seriously. I guess I am sort of at war with it right now. Any meal I can get away with eating little to nothing is like a victory for me. Of course, that will all be over once I see the dietician. :/

Anyway, must be off. Write tomorrow, or maybe again tonight if I actually get my charger. The extra set of keys is supposed to be over at M House by now, so anytime after 4 I might get a visit from J with my stuff. Plus she'll take care of my kitty. So it's all good, I suppose, or it will be... or at least as good as it gets when you're locked up. Y'know.