So I've been admitted to the general hospital psych ward (which I will call H for short), and am due to start the ED protocol on Tuesday, I believe.

The psychiatric resident at the W (psych hospital) actually asked all the right questions, and actually listened to what I had to say. On top of that, though, she said there were some things from my bloodwork in the ER that were concerning, and almost dangerous. Apparently my potassium was 2.5 upon admission, and my blood sugars were high, which according to the pdoc is a sign of starvation/ketosis. She said that my muscles are being broken down to fuel my body. Then there was the fact that my heart rate was at least 110 when I got there... the sedatives may have had something to do with that one, but the potassium and sugars were definitely not caused by the OD, and I was probably dehydrated, too, because I got at least 2 large bags of fluid along with IV potassium. In any case, she did not like what she saw at all. She said she thought the ED needed medical management at this point, & with the potassium so low (and I had no fucking idea) & sugars all out of whack and stuff, I suppose I can see where she's coming from.

The nurses here at H said my safety was the first priority, and after that was established we'd be able to work on other things (by which I guess they meant the ED, etc). I didn't have much in the way of suicidal urges today, but I think it was only because I was still kind of groggy/sleepy from the meds I'd taken. I expect tomorrow to suck a lot. And when Tuesday comes and I have to sign an ED protocol contract... well, good fucking luck to me is all I have to say.

Personally, I think it's an achievement to even be alive right now. The rest will come later, if it's going to come. But for now I feel at least half decently safe in here, so I guess that's good. (Ignoring the little niggling voice that says I shouldn't have been such a chickenshit and called 911 on myself, and I could do it better next time, and blah blah fucking blah...)

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