Apparently my vitals are now being checked three times a day. Why I have no idea, as my vitals have never again been as low as 90s over 60s. Earlier it was 102/72, but that's not SO bad. Other than that it's been 110s or even 120s (once) over 70s or 80s. Everything else is always fine. I don't have a sweet clue why I would need to have it taken an extra time every day. What the fuck ever.

Warning: Self-harm talk ahead.


So last night was really shitty. I got ridiculously anxious, which led to me pacing, then trying to stop & subsequently dissociating, then scrobbing at my arms with my fingernails. I tore the skin clean off in strips... long strips on both forearms, and small ones, 3 apiece, on the back of each hand. The nurse last night put that clear sticky tape on them last night, which I innocently took, not knowing how fucking hard it would be to rip off later. One of the nurses took the tape off one arm earlier today, and it fucking KILLED. I cried at first from the pain, but within a couple minutes the tears turned into real tears, about everything. I had to retreat to my room once he was done with the tape and cry for at least 10 minutes.

I went back to sleep after I got gauze on that arm (it burned too much to put my shirt over once the tape was off), and once I woke up again I felt a little better. I did think it was pretty hilarious how they let me sleep through lunch without even calling me, though. I mean, it's not like I was going to eat it anyway, but they usually at least tell me it's up and ask if I'm going to eat anything.

I haven't been able to make myself eat anything today. I found out last night that the coffee is actually DECAF... what the fuck?? So I've been having it with only 1 tbsp 1% milk, and my usual 2 Splendas. So, all totalled today, I've had... 19 calories. :/ I know that's not really "good", but I can't face the thought of eating anything today. I was planning on half a yogurt (50 cals) but the thought scares me right now. It would take my overall cal count too close to 100 for my liking.

Ugh. I am so fucked up. I wish I could get out of my own head.