Hey girls (and boy!). I was doing excellently in my 200 cal day until tonight... which i don't really consider my fault at all. Certain combinations of circumstances left me depressed, angry, and sitting in a little ball on a couch as I tried to figure out what the hell to do with myself. The only thing I could think of, other than self-injury or yet another OD, was to take Ativan. Specifically, 6mg of Ativan all under the tongue at once. Didn't take too long for me to start feeling hyper -- and then, after the brief interlude of dancing-craziness-insanity, a nice sleepy calm came over me, which has been with me ever since. I must confess, I like feeling calm. It's an emotion that's rare for me lately.

But anyway... after taking the Ativan I went to my kitchen and started eating. Now, all I had was four cookies (300 cals) and a bowl of Multigrain Cheerios with milk (175-200 ish) -- well, okay, and like two Wheat Thins. I still don't feel guilty about it; but I'm sure it'll hit when I get on that scale tomorrow.

I kinda liked the ability to just enjoy a treat when on the Ativan, though. I haven't had Rainbow Chips-A-Hoy in forever, and it was nice to be able to allow myself a couple of them. It seems that when my anxiety goes away, I eat about as "normally" as it is possible for me to eat. On the other hand, this is probably my last night overloading on the Ativan, since I start 25mg of Seroquel tonight for sleep. I really hope that one works -- and maybe will have some slight mood stabilizing properties, too, even though it's such a small dose. One can hope, right?

Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed now. Already feeling pleasantly relaxed from the Ativan, so it's looking mighty tempting to pop the Seroquel now and get ready for lights out. :)

Au revoir!