So when I eat too much, or eat a lot and don't count the calories, what do I do? Exercise compulsively. How the hell am I supposed to get better like this? Or will I ever fucking snap out of it?

I'm sorry I sound so depressed and pessimistic lately. The fact is, my mood has taken a turn for the worse, and it doesn't seem like my antidepressant is helping me all that much anymore. Plus the pdoc's got me started on a low dose of Seroquel, which serves to make me extremely groggy (and doesn't help me fall asleep any faster). Then, of course, there's the not being able to get warm, hair falling out, and hips too big for body things that are becoming issues now. Yeah. When I was blowdrying my hair today, every five or ten seconds another hair would just fall out of my scalp. It's not a lot of hair loss -- yet -- but it will become that. And my body is starting to look strange even to me. All I want is to be thinner, but I hate the way I look even at this weight, and I know I will hate it more if my weight diminishes.

I dunno. I don't know what the fuck to do anymore.