Bulimarexia -- good or bad?

This entry is not a joke. It is ironic, and often very sarcastic, commentary about my own eating disorder, which is essentially bulimarexia at this point (technically diagnosed as EDNOS because I'm not "underweight enough" -- the fact that I've gone from 165 to 105 pounds since April means nothing, I can only suppose).

Why bulimarexia "works" for me:

~ The "hamster cheeks" are a really good way to fool people into thinking I'm not as skinny as I am -- well, at least now, when the hamster cheeks still aren't as severe as they're probably going to become, and I'm still not quite emaciated.
~ I can eat whatever I want, and I won't gain weight -- all I have to do is make sure I eat everything in one shot and puke it up after!
~ Binge/purge behaviors don't make you gain weight if you eat very seldomly, if ever, in between b/p sessions.
~ I don't have to deal with the idea of my own starvation 24/7, because binging and purging gives the illusion that I'm not starving myself.
~ I don't have to deal with the idea of being a "gross" bulimic, either, because I do, after all, have anoretic behaviors too -- and, of course, my brain tricks me into thinking that I can stop my b/p cycles anytime I want and just be anorexic.
~ I get yet another way to harm myself in the form of purging almost everything I eat -- as if self-starvation wasn't self-harm enough, right?

Why bulimarexia SUCKS

~ Not only do I get the lovely side effects of starvation and weight loss from anorexia, but I also get the dental problems, sore throats, mood swings, and electrolyte and blood pressure inbalances inherent in bulimia.
~ Bulimarexia is going to kill me a lot more quickly than restricting anorexia would. In fact, statistically speaking, bulimarexia is the deadliest of all eating disorders. So, great. I get to die even sooner than the rest of you.
~ My digestive system is going through all sorts of perverse torture, due to me not feeding it for days and then suddenly stuffing the stomach full -- and then violently expelling that food again. My poor tummy doesn't know whether to digest the food right away, digest it whenever, or just not bother digesting it at all since it's coming back up anyway.
~ Anorexia makes me weak; bulimia on top of anorexia makes me passive and aggressive, near fainting and near violence at the same time.
~ If anorexia is slowly, precariously stepping into an icy ocean, bulimarexia is like being in that ocean, then suddenly turning over into a handstand and having someone light my legs on fire. I can douse my legs anytime I want, but the constant hot and cold, and the effects from fire and ocean, do much more damage much more quickly than cold and ocean alone.


So, come on... who wants to be bulimarexic with me?!?!?!?