I don't know if I'm just imagining things, but I think my fingers are kinda swollen. Really hoping it's not edema-esque; but, given my diuretic and laxative usages these last couple of days, there's a distinct possibility that it could be edema.
God fucking dammit.
This is going to sound really wanna-ish, but... I wish that, if I have to have the unpleasant symptoms of an eating disorder, that I could just be thin along with it. But noooo... I have to be 107 fucking pounds (yes, I'm back up yet again). Since I'm 5'3.5", of course, I'm not even all that underweight, if in fact I qualify as underweight at all. At the same time, it is sad that this whole weight thing seems to mean so much to me. I know it's just another symptom -- but it still feels real to me, so it's hard to shake. You know?
Yeah. All this coming from a girl who's possibly entering an eating disorder treatment facility in another month or two. HAHAHA. Who else thinks I'm going to fail miserably at recovery??? *waves hands spasmatically in air*
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