I almost want to make myself eat -- so I will be forced to purge. Or, if I don't purge, so that I will start getting depressed and hating myself and slashing myself up. So I will, eventually, try to off myself for the fifty billionth time and finally RID the world of this stupid leeching presence with my name tag stuck to the chest.

I don't want to go to Homewood. I don't want to go anywhere. I want to sit here and self-destruct until someone forcibly makes me stop. And then when they release their hold on me I want to do it again. And again. And again.