So I have made a decision... one which might sound a bit like it's coming from left field to a lot of you, but I can assure you it's not. I think I may be dropping my current term of school.

Why? Because I have very limited energy right now, and when I'm going to classes, the act of going there, being in class, and actively listening and learning takes up the vast majority of my energy. It has resulted in basically every other area of my life getting sorely neglected. My apartment is a mess. I haven't even been showering regularly. I don't see my friends or second family (aka the people at M House) nearly as often as I want to. And why? Because I simply don't have the energy for it.

Unfortunately, this lack of energy also extends into any schoolwork I have to complete outside of class time. Which means that most of my reading, homework, and studying simply doesn't get done, either. There's no way I can achieve academically the way I should achieve if I can't do most of my post-lectures work.

So... something has to give somewhere, and I came to the realization yesterday that this "something" will be one of two things: My sanity, or this school business. Believe it or not, it is a sign of progress that I am doing this now, rather than trying and trying to plow through when I'm really not capable of functioning properly. I have dropped 3 semesters of school in the past, and every time I did it it was retroactively, after I had a complete breakdown and landed myself in the hospital. This time I can actually see that this isn't going to turn out well if I keep going, and I'm making an attempt to stop this particular trainwreck before it gets itself going.

The emotional impact of the decision hasn't hit me yet, mainly because I haven't actually physically dropped the courses yet; but I suspect that there will be a decent emotional blow after the courses are gone. But even though it's going to be hard, I really think I need to do it. I think it would be best for me right now, especially considering how long it's going to take me to get into the ED clinic, to ease up on myself and try to focus on at least retaining as much of my self as I possibly can.

The appointment with the cardiologist isn't until November 2nd, by the way. So I have until at least then to wait.

Gotta go... library's closing.