Went to the fill-in GP today, and now I have to get a whole bunch of tests done... ugh. She gave me slips for bloodwork, a new EKG, and a chest x-ray; I'm also being sent for a H. pylori breath test thing, and an upper GI series. Essentially, she thinks I might have a stomach ulcer... however, because my primary complaint was chest pain, and because I told her that I had an eating disorder (which I described as "bulimia slash restricting"), she's sending me off for a bunch of other stuff as well, like the EKG, iron and B12 levels, etc. Oh, yeah, and the area where my gallbladder is felt odd/bad when she poked at it, so she's testing that too. :|

She got me to make an appointment for two weeks from now to see my regular GP, I guess to get checked out again as well as to get the results from some of the lab work, etc. My blood pressure was 140/90, which is a bit high, but I'd JUST had coffee, not to mention I was quite anxious, so the combination evidently did me no favors. My pulse was 70, though, which is fine. In the meantime, she has told me to cut back on the caffeine (!), and to try and keep something in my stomach at all times (!!). I can probably cut back the caffeine, although I doubt I can give it up altogether, but there's no way in hell I'm eating smaller meals throughout the day, or whatever. My calories are NOT going up. I feel fat enough already without eating all sorts of other extra shit. She did put me on a temporary double dose of Prevacid, though, which should help even if I can't bring myself to eat and keep down much more.

Nothing else is really very different, aside from the fact that my level of frustration has gone up another few notches. I just wish I didn't have to run back and forth to the doctor's office and the hospital and the psychology/psychiatry clinic and M House all the fucking time, especially because all it's doing right now is slowing my still-fairly-fast-moving trainwreck. I wish I just knew how to be fucking normal, and be okay with myself, and be able to tolerate life without destroying my body and mind and in the process. I don't know what the fuck it's going to take to get me to wake the fuck up.