Still doing shitty. Feel a bit crap physically as well. For the last day or two I've had weird pseudo chest pain things, which I think are mostly anxiety, too much caffeine, and/or not enough liquids. I've had plenty of all three, believe me. I'm considering booking an appointment with my GP, but I probably won't. What would I say to her? "Hey, look, I know you know I have an ED, and you can't do anything for me until I go to the specialist, but I feel like crap, so waaaah." ??? No thanks. I mean, maybe I should be having blood tests at least semi-regularly, even if just for electrolytes.... or maybe I'm just a fucking attention-seeking hypochondriac, and nothing I do is acutually bad enough for things to go medically wrong with me. Mostly I'm pretty convinced of the latter. Hence not going to the doctor, like, ever.

I did drop school, also... deregistered for my term on Monday. That means that student loan will get back 25% of the money they paid for my tuition/fees, which is better for me, as it'll be a little less to pay back, at least. The money they gave me for rent and living expenses is mine unless I choose to give it back, which I'd have to be an IDIOT to do, so it's still going to pay my rent and living expenses for Sept through November. After that... well, I guess it'll probably end up being social assistance for me. If I haven't got the energy to do school and still be functional in other areas, I hardly see how I could have the energy to work a full-time job and still be functional.

I'm seriously starting to get really, really sick of this ED bullshit now. I've even considered going back to Homewood, which is a place I swore I'd NEVER go back to again, as I had so many issues with their meal plan and general program the first time around. I think my brain is grasping at any possible straws that might keep me afloat, because I have nothing right now. Zero. Nadda. Zilch. No support. No monitoring. Not a goddamned fucking thing. And that does kinda piss me off; but at the same time part of me doesn't think I need or deserve it.

Sometimes I really hate my stupid fucking brain.